Ash gets Olde Schooled Pt. 2

(Un-fast forward, or rewind if that's more your thing, several hours)

Ash had departed the shower room soon after Pikachu had left and quickly found himself being carried to the mezzanine by the flow and ebb of the crowd. To his dismay the seats closest to the back were all taken and he found himself sitting at the front between someone who looked like they belonged in a test lab for biological weapons judging by the discoloured spots on their skin, ten-thousand yard stare of their rheumy eyes, dripping nose, rotted teeth, brow dotted with a milky-white substance that wasn't entirely sweat and various pus-filled lumps that blossomed on his arms, some of which were leaking a little bit and an abnormally fat man who's whale blubber annexed a good quarter of Ash's seat, forcing him even closer to whatever pathological nightmares that the sickly teen transported.

At least he was wearing clean underwear.

Thankfully his attention was soon called up to the front where, to his surprise, Professor Oak took the stage. He had been expecting the dean, unless Oak had made a recent promotion. With a voice that expelled wisdom and knowledge Oak began by saying "I came as soon as I heard you had arrived!" to which a student in the back replied "Ewwwwww!". The Professor ignored the comment and continued "I'm sure you know that you are attending the Professor Yggdrasil Institute of Human and Pokemon Studies, but if you're trying to find you way to map-readers anonymous you can find it by exiting the campus and travelling South on the road for three kilometres." Nobody laughed at the joke, or at least it had seemed like a joke until several adults stood up and, while grumbling about why GPS's were so expensive, left the room. When the last of them had vacated the premises (If you played the first games you would know that Oak has cameras EVERYWHERE. How else could he tell you not to joy-ride your bike in buildings?) the Professor continued on with his presentation. "Here at the Institute you will learn a wide variety of different skill and knowledge sets. Some of you are trying to break into Pokemon study and discovery field, and allow me to assure you that I will fight to the death to make sure none of you up-start whippersnappers take my job or funding!" A couple of worried glances took place between the students at this, not sure if he was going crazy due to becoming senile, joking or actually serious about that threat. Oak didn't seem to notice their awkward reaction and continued on as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. "Others among you may be trying to become a nurse or doctor, but allow me to inform you that the Joy family have that field in a stranglehold and you'll have a hell of a time getting licensed to do anything beyond offering comforting words to a dying Pokemon, and if they get their psychology branch operating you probably won't be allowed to do that either. Those who want to become law enforcement personnel need only know that the Jenny's have a similar monopoly on that profession, except they can plant evidence and arrest you if you make a nuisance of yourself, so unless you plan to become hired muscle or meat shields I advise you demand an immediate refund and be on your merry way. Perhaps you want to become a medicinal item manufacturer, and if you do become one don't forget your old friend Professor Oak, who is always up for field testing your Elixirs or other drugs that produce interesting side-effects. Last, but not least, some of you are here to further your Pokemon training career. Here you will learn how to better communicate with your teammates, how to battle with them more effectively, survival techniques for keeping them and yourself in good shape while adventuring and how to catch new ones so that you can send them to me to disse... er... study! Yes, study! In new and exciting ways..." Oak finished sinisterly while the students exchanged more uneasy glances, each hoping that they didn't end up being taught by the mad scientist that had taken centre stage.

A new teacher quickly made his way onto the stage and, with a whispered argument, managed to convince Oak to get off of the stage. After Oak was out of the mezzanine (Although he still watched the proceedings with his cameras) the new teacher moved over to the mike and tried to say something, but instead only a violently loud buzzing noise was emitted from the speakers. Unfortunately for Ash the buzzing happened to hit just the right frequency to cause the pus in the adjacent teens boils to burst, splashing green and grey bile over anyone within a three seat radius. Ash managed to see it bubbling like a overcooked pizza pocket and knew from experience that it was about to 'rip a new one' and managed to duck under the worst of it, although he got some on his back and he could swear he could feel it eating through his (Thankfully) waterproof jacket that he was wearing over his blazer (He was wearing three layers since the school seemed too cheap to shove some poor fire pokemon into the central heating unit). However, the fat boys skin was not protected from the acidic sludge and in short order he rolling on the ground as the pus greedily ate away at the fat on his flabby arm while the girl immediately behind them, her face covered in the stuff, was yelling "BOOMER! BOOMER! NEED A MEDPACK!"

Those affected were quickly carted away and Ash, who assured them he was fine but gave them his now-worthless jacket, suddenly found himself with room to stretch. The new teacher, who introduced himself as the dean of the human side of the school, gave them a quick rundown of the rules and regulations of the institute as well as a basic primer on what they should expect on their first day and, before you could say 'So a Seel walks into a club', he was making his way to his first class. He was fortunate that there was a half-hour break for students to gather their belongings before they went to class because Ash, being himself, quickly got hopelessly lost in the labyrinth that was the school (At one point he began to hum David Bowie songs in the hopes that they would help him navigate with more competence but it was not to be, although he did notice an abnormal number of puppets following him as he did so). Starting to feel a bit peckish from all the wandering he smelled a delectable aroma and followed it with his nose unerringly (Chatot Pam would be so proud). When he re-tuned his body to make use of all of his senses he discovered that he was standing before an ajar door that steam and a scintillating smell wafted from. Peering in he called out "Hey! Is anyone in here?" to which an unseen but oddly familiar voice replied with "Yeah, just give us one second to finish this batch!"

Ash waited patiently for a few seconds until he heard a whirring noise as a large fan sucked all of the steam, and the delicious smell with it, out of the room. Ash marvelled at the enormous contraption that was residing in the middle of the room, easily filling half of it and rising almost high enough to scrape the roof. However, his wonderment soon turned to alarm when he recognized the trio that was operating the machine; an effeminate purple haired man who looked like he could be comfortable in both combat boots and high heels as well as every variation in between the two, a woman with red hair that spat on the laws of gravity who's ego filled an entire room and a small midget-like (Ed: They prefer to be known as "small people") creature, which was actually a Meowth that had taken to walking up like a human, talking like a human, and just generally be insufferable like a particularly bad example of a human.

"Team Rocket!" Ash yelled, although his voice was drowned out by the unwanted trilogy's  panicked "It's the brat!"

They stood, staring at each other, not a muscle moving (Except for the nervous twitch that Meowth had developed on his left nostril in the past few weeks) for several minutes before Ash broke the silence with a cheery "So, you finally decided to stop chasing Pikachu and become chefs?"

They shuffled uncomfortably, looking sheepish as they mumbled things along the lines of "...tired of getting blasted off...", "...bad for my complexion" (That one came from James), "...figured it was time for a change of pace..." and one that Meowth was saying that sounded an awful lot like "...was planning to try a recipe that called for Pikac..." before the other two slapped their hands across his mouth, each earning a nasty red scratch mark across their faces as they did so. Another awkward silence followed, this time broken by James who explained "Uh, yeah, pretty much. Figured whe would try our hand at something else, you know? So we came here, showed them our stuff, and they gave us a full scholarship! How awesome is that!? And then Meowth built this awesome machine (Which has only blown up once when he tried to make a Gargle Blaster sundae) and now we get paid to make all of the schools lunch food! We're making ten times as much as we were when we worked for Team Rocket!" The three all did their iconic laugh together. "In fact," continued Meowth, "besides that creepy Oak guy chasing me with a scalpel from time to time, things have never been better for ol' Team  Rocket. We get three square meals a day, a roof over our heads, decent pay with benefits and a Winter, Spring and Summer vacation." They looked happy for a moment before a dejected and morose mood fell upon them.

"Uh, what's wrong?" Ash asked tentatively.

"Oh, its just it doesn't feel right, ya know?" Meowth began. "It's almost like everything comes too easily to us now. There's no more adventure, no thrill of discovering the unknown or the rush of the chase," James added. "Sometimes we wonder whether we deserve this, after all the things we did. We can't help but feel that this is our last supper before karma catches up with us," Jesse finished solemnly.

"Hey, if it makes you feel better, I can forgive you for chasing me and Pikachu for all those years that I never grew up (Seriously, what's up with that?), but only if you promise that you'll never try it again," Ash offered, a warm fuzzy feeling growing inside him as he saw their jubilant expressions (Unbeknownst to him the feeling was actually the beginning of a yeast infection but let's not ruin the moment for them).

"You... you really mean that? That'll go a long way to paying off our debt with karma!" Meowth cried out as he rushed forward to kiss Ash's shoes, closely followed by James and Jessie. "Oh, I'll give up anything that has to do with electric rodents if it means that you'll forgive us!" Jessie exclaimed while James helpfully chipped in with "I could even become Pikachu's personal chef! I'm sure I could force the squinting minority brat to tell me his Pokemon food recipe."

"Er, the last one won't be necessary, but..." Ash began, only to notice a clock on the opposite wall that had been previously obscured by the smoke screen that the machine had been emitting. "... I'm almost late! I have to get to my Pokemon Identification course!" Ash yelled in alarm.

"Oh, we could help you with that," James offered.

"Huh, how?" Ash asked quizzically.

"Simple. You run down the hall that way, and we'll run down this hall," Jessie explained as she pointed to the halls in question.

"Why would that work?" Ash pressed, now even more confused then before.

"Simple, really. We, Team Rocket, have always had a knack for ending up where you was goin'. So if you go one way and we go the other, we'll inevitably end up in front of yous classroom." Meowth said as he elaborated on the quantum psychics of it.

Oh, er, okay, if your really think it's going to work," Ash said uncertainly. He didn't exactly understand why it would work, but upon thinking about it there was no reason that it shouldn't. The whole thing was like a microwave; You don't care how it works as long as does work.

And so Ash dashed down his designated hallway while the reformed Team Rocket sped off along the other one. A few minutes later Ash rounded a bend, only to find himself falling down despite the fact that there were no stairs as far as he had seen. He landed heavily, barely managing to break his fall with his neck. As he got up, groaning from how sore his head felt now, he felt a pair of arms grab him and lift him out of the pit. "Sorry about that, had to keep you from running past," James said earnestly.

"Well, why didn't you just tell me to stop instead of digging a giant pit? In fact, how the hell did you manage it? We're on the second floor; there's barely a foot of wood and concrete below us," Ash asked, finding his grip on reality slipping as he continued to remain in close proximity with the trio.

"I dunno, we just dig da' holes. It's what we're best at after all," Meowth said.

"Well, the good news is that you're at your class now!" Jessie exclaimed.

"Oh, er, thanks then. I better get in there but before I do I need you to promise to remember your vow to not try to take Pikachu."

"Don't you fret. We won't harm a hair on his head," James promised as he and the other two put their hand (Or paw) over their heart."

"Great! Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get into my class..."

"Oh, of course! Enjoy your day!" they called as they started running back to the kitchen as Ash quietly slipped into the classroom. He was relieved to discover that the teacher hadn't started the lesson yet and quickly found a desk near the back of the class. He dug out his paper and pen from his bag (It took several seconds to find them; when you have a bottomless bag that can hold nigh-unlimited items it can be somewhat of a pain to find just one particular material) and, after putting them onto his desk in preparation of any notes he would have to take, waited patiently with the dozen other students already in the class for the teacher to make their presence known. They didn't have to wait long as a flustered-looking woman who's clothes looked like they had been at the wrong end of a Beadazzler (Ed: A beadazzler is one of those things that you use to attach rhinestones and other ugly junk to your shirts so that you can be a fashion disaster as well as draw everyone's attention to the fact)  explosion stepped out, her shirt shining with off-white sparkles that weren't quite enough of an eye-soar to keep one's attention from the rainbow-plaid styled pants.

"Hello class, my name is Ms. Simmonis, although you may call me by my first name, Rayshard, and I will..." she started, only to cut off as she noticed Ash's hand in the air. "Yes, what is it?"

"Are you the Contest Instructor?" Ash asked.

"No, I handle curriculum pertaining to Pokemon species and type identification," she answered evenly, wondering why he had bothered asking that question when anyone else would have realized that she was going to answer it in her introduction.

"Oh, ok," Ash replied, wondering how someone who was so garishly dressed couldn't be a Contest Instructor or Coordinator.

"Now then, back to being on topic, I want to get a quick lesson in before you go to your next class. As you probably know today is only a half day, intended to let you meet your new teachers and classmates as well as learning the schools layout. As such we won't have time for a real seminar but I'd like to get an idea of how good you are at identifying Pokemon, which is why I've gone and whipped up this!" she announced with flourish as a curtain was drawn back to reveal a large stand. As she lifted up what looked like a large white square with a black silhouette in the middle she asked the class "Can any of you tell me what it is?"

"'It' is a genderless term used to describe a creature, object or place," a bespectacled girl in the front row answered.

"No no no, I mean who's that Pokemon?" Ms. Simmonis clarified..

"Well, Ms. Simmonis, a Pokemon isn't a who, but rather an it or a what. 'Who' is used to describe a person, not an entity of alternate origin," offered a tall blonde-haired male that was sitting on the far left side of the room.

"Argh!" came the strangled cry of the teacher as she pulled at her mousy hair in frustration. "JUST. TELL. ME. WHICH. POKEMON. THAT. IS."

"It's a Seaking, isn't it?" enquired a boy who's zit-covered face was obviously suffering from the delayed onset of puberty.

"Yes... yes it is." Ms. Simmonis answered.

"Fuck yeah!" came his jubilant reply at being correct.

And so the class continued, with the teacher showing a different silhouette and the students slowly driving her closer to early retirement with their constant corrections. Soon they were on their way to the next class, which Ash found significantly easier to find by virtue of him just following one of the other students who had the same block rotation as him. Before the end of the day he had been in a field survival class that was largely similar to the one that Pikachu would be undertaking, a course on the proper care of newly-hatched Pokemon (This class wasn't part of the normal trainer's selection but Ash had gone through enough experiences with baby Pokemon to figure that he'd probably be taking care of another one sooner or later), advanced battle tactics and finally, the one that he had been looking forward to the most, the program that touted how it would allow him to communicate and interact with his Pokemon more effectively, something that Ash sincerely hoped would let him and Pikachu talk to each other, if not directly, than at least in a round-about way.  Before he knew it classes were over and, with the help of a friendly ginger girl, found his way to his dorm where he found Pikachu already tucking itself in to rest. He tried to practice the few new techniques he had learned during the shortened communication class but Pikachu resolutely ignored him as it tried to sleep and, deciding it was a lost cause, Ash spiffed himself up quickly, wrote a letter and gave Pikachu a rushed farewell as he went up to the bell tower to send his mom a letter (He had asked her why he couldn't just email or phone her but she had insisted that he send her a letter, at least on his first day).

He quickly scaled the stairs and was climbing the ladder, his breath a bit ragged as the day's events caught up to him, when he heard a very familiar voice up at the top. Finding his second wind he clambered up the last few rungs of the ladder and found himself in the belfry of the tower. The bell had long been in disuse as evidenced by the specks of rust that had begun to form on its brass surface. The bell itself was more then large enough to have at least three full grown men stand inside of it if it had been empty. Instead, the current administration had locked the bell in place and removed the metal ball that had hung in the bell and had replaced it with roosts for various small messenger birds, mostly consisting of Pidgeys and Swellow. The sides of the tower were open save for metal safety bars that, due to their relatively new sheen, were obviously recently added in hopes of avoiding potential accidents (And litigation) from students falling off. A large Pelliper was standing on the West wall, looking towards the setting sun. However, it wasn't the Pelliper that Ash was interested in but rather the girl that was currently talking to it.

"Misty!" Ash called, his smile filled with joy at the unexpected reunion.

"Ash? Ash, is that you?" she said as she turned around to look at him as the Pelliper took flight to its unknown destination.

"Of course it's me! Its been ages since I last saw you, and now you turn up here in the institute of all places!" he replied happily.

"Ha, same to you! I'm here on the request of the dean. The Pokemon Research class is doing a study on aquatic Pokemon so he asked me to come here to give a lecture, what with being the local water gym leader and all that. I suppose your here to take courses before the new rules take effect?" He gave an yes nod

"Oh, why didn't your sisters come then?" Ash inquired.

"Gr, the stupid bimbos went and got themselves put into the hospital after having a breath holding competition to impress a guy. The doc said after they woke up that their brains may have suffered some damage from lack of oxygen," she explained.

"Oh, so they're fine then," Ash asked with a straight face.

"Heh, yeah. If anything they're smarter then before. I just wish I'd have gotten the chance to knock that jerk's block off but he ran away while I was rescuing them and I couldn't chase after him since I had to give them mouth to mouth until the ambulance crew arrived. Let me tell you, cherry lipstick after its been sitting in water for four minutes does not taste very good." She stuck out her tongue for emphasis.

"Who was it that put them up to it?" Ash asked.

"Your old rival," came Misty's reply.

"You mean Gary!?" an alarmed Ash pressed.

"No, the douchey one, Paul," she clarified.

"Oh yeah, him. Figures, he never did care for anyone else, Pokemon and humans included." Ash shook his head with pity.

"If it makes you feel better, he got his trainers license revoked and his Pokemon taken away. In fact, the local Jenny was looking for him after I told her he had come by. Turns out he's wanted for Pokemon Cruelty and he now has Reckless Endangerment of a Minor added to his record for that stunt he pulled."

"Huh? Your sisters aren't minors; you're not one and they're all older then you." Ash asked as he raised an eyebrow for emphasis.

"Well, maybe not in age but in mental capacity..." Misty began.

"Ok, yeah, I see your point. Actually, you bringing him up reminds me that I haven't seen Brock lately either, what's he been up to?"

"Got sent to jail for Sexual Harassment," she answered bluntly.

Ash wasn't very surprised; he had known it was only going to be a matter of time before Brock stepped over the line and there wouldn't be anyone around to pull him back from the brink. "How did it happen?"

"The Love Machine tried to hook up with an officer Jenny, only this time she had just finished a nasty forensics shift and had been trying to forget about it by hitting the wet bar. Anyways, she got tired of him trying to force himself onto her and shot him in the eyes with pepper spray," she explained.

"Oh, and then they arrested him?" Ash asked, hoping for Brock's sake that that was the end of it.

It wasn't. "No, he told her that the pepper spray could never burn as hot as his passion for her so she tazed him."

Ash, figuring out from her expression that there was more to it, gave her a nod to continue. "Well, after she pumped him with sixty-thousand volts he just told her that he had never met such a shockingly beautiful women before and their obvious chemistry was electrifying." Ash could only manage a facepalm at his old friends terrible puns. "So then she got an on-duty friend who was going to drive her back to her house on his break to cuff him. Even then he probably would have gotten off with a slap on the wrist but instead he went and asked her if the cuffs meant she was into bondage. Needless to say it got nasty after that bit. Oh, and before you ask I know all of this because he used his phone call to try and get me to come and bail him and I heard the story from Jenny's partner."

"Oh... er... Wow. Hey, that's a nice sunset, isn't it Misty?" He said hurriedly, trying to change the subject from their old friends incarceration.

"Hmm, yeah, they weren't kidding when they said the sunsets from up here were spectacular," she replied as she looked at the sunset. An azure red surrounded a deepening orange, seemingly drowning the land in the blood of a dying sun. The waning light would soon give way to the cool embrace of night and the two of them basked in the last few ebbs of heat that flowed forth from the star. As it dipped below the horizon a new kind of natural wonder took place in the form of hundreds-of-thousands-of-millions of stars that blinked in the inky black of the evening sky, although all of them combined wouldn't be able to outshine the full moon that inhabited the sky, the silver disk casting down the suns reflected light in a pale white that revealed enough of the surrounding forest to keep it from looking foreboding while still offering the aura of mysteriousness and adventure the trainers craved. There were probably a few down there right now, hunting for the nocturnal pokemon that had avoided them when the sun had made the earth its domain. The moons glow let the pair of humans see the forest, the road that stretched from one end of the horizon to the other, and each others eyes. And, as they stared into the others eyes they saw a kind of beauty that not even the sun, the moon and the stars together could match and, without ever looking away from the other, they kissed. It was but a mere brush, not even longer then a second, yet they both felt as if it was a moment that they had worked towards their entire lives and then seemed to last another lifetime as they did so, and as they moved away from each other they both wanted to do it again, yet neither could. It was too soon, too soon to make it last longer, because to do so would mean that they wanted to take their friendship further, and doing that meant making commitments and concessions, and they both knew that they didn't have enough of themselves to give to the other, not without sacrificing their collective future. She had a Gym to tend to, and he had a dream to chase, she had to stay while he had to go, and until one was finished neither could feel complete.

"...That was nice, Ash..." Misty whispered, her voice almost inaudible and her expression downcast.

"...Yeah, it was. But hey, once I finish my training here it'll be a snap for me to win the tournament,  and then... then we'll be able to do it again..." He gave her a optimistic smile.

She let herself brighten up a bit at his expression and replied "Yeah... I'd like that..."

And so they moved over to the East side of the tower and sat down while Ash wrapped his blazer around the two of them to chase away the slight chill that the late summer night brought. There they sat, sleeping in each others embrace until the sun returned to the world; it's absence marked their greeting kiss and its arrival signified the parting one.

After all, one more couldn't hurt.